For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.—Mark 10: 7-9
As part of 31 Days of Capturing the Spark, we are asking fellow bloggers and friends to share insights from their own marriages. We figured if we’re asking others to reflect on their marriage, we should answer the questions too!
When did you get married? August 6, 2005
How long did you date? Adam and I dated for a little over 3 years before we got engaged and then we were engaged for about a year before we got married, so all in all 4 years! I know lots of couples who are together a year or less before tying the knot. I guess I just needed time to grow up (remember, I was only 18 when we started dating)!
What was one of your biggest challenges during the first few months of marriage? There was a moment when we were flying back from our honeymoon in Kauai, when I kind of lost it. We had an amazing wedding and honeymoon, but now we had to go back to our lives. But our lives (or at least my life) was going to be totally different. I was moving into Adam’s apartment, my closest friends had moved halfway across the country, I wasn’t going back to school, and I didn’t have a full time job yet. I was heading into unknown waters and it was a little scary! I think the biggest challenge, or thing that Adam and I had to learn during the first few months was how to communicate our expectations (mostly mine) and talk through things. I also had to learn that just because Adam might do something differently than I did (like loading the dishwasher or putting away laundry) didn’t mean it was wrong. I still have to remind myself of this!
What was something you wish you’d known before the wedding? I put a lot of pressure on myself to have everything figured out right away. Even though we’d dated for 4 years, going from living in different cities, to living in the same city and the same apartment, is a big change. Not only were we figuring out marriage we were also learning how to live with each other and that takes time and patience! One thing that helped us was reminding ourselves that we were in this together. Otherwise I tend to try to do things all by myself and then when things are overwhelming, I blame Adam when I didn’t include him in the process to begin with!
What have you learned since you’ve been married? I am a fairly independent person–Adam has been known to call me stubborn at times. What can I say? I’m a first born, type A, female! I will always have a list of things to do while Adam will always be more laid back. We balance each other out in many ways. But one thing that we’ve learned is that we both need our space and time to do our own thing. As much as we love being together, there are times when we need a break from each other. For Adam that usually means time in front of the computer or playing golf or just relaxing and not doing anything. I have to be OK with that! For me, it’s usually girl time, either an evening or weekend with my girlfriends. The best part is after we’ve had time to ourselves, we come back together and are rejuvenated.
What’s the best part about being married? I can’t imagine not sharing my life with Adam. I have lots of girlfriends who I’m super close with, but our relationship is on a whole other level. He is my partner!
What’s your secret to keeping the spark alive after the honeymoon? I don’t know if this is a secret, but a huge part of why I think our marriage has been successful over the last 6 years is that we have so much fun together! I thought we had a great time together when we were dating, but being married is 10 times more fun! We have so many inside jokes and funny things we do to entertain each other. We laugh and joke all the time. I remember something that someone shared with us in a wedding card and it stuck with me because it’s so true. They said that their wish for our marriage was that our love would grow so much more than what it was on that day. Some people say that they are more in love with their spouse on their wedding day than they’ve ever been, and that might be true, but hopefully those feelings are only the beginning of the love you have for each other. I know it sounds cheesy, but I am continually falling more in love with Adam as we grow together, experience life, and share in joys and sorrows.