photo by Carrie Krupke
I put him to bed, the same as we do every night. Him clutching his sippy cup of water and a stuffed animal and sucking on his pacifier. We read two books, sing Jesus Loves Me, and say a prayer. My first-born boy, rests his shaggy blonde head on my shoulder and wraps his arm around my neck. His legs dangle down past my waste. He’s not so little anymore. I hold him close, breath in his little boy scent, a mixture of grass and the pasta sauce from dinner and hold him a moment longer. Soon he will be too big to hold, but him will always be my baby, right?
I was feeling sentimental because the next day was his birthday. Adam and I put away his toys and set up his gift. An easel, complete with chalk, dry erase markers, and a roll of drawing paper. We couldn’t wait to see his reaction when he wakes up. We laughed and predicted what he would do when he saw it. We’d been talking to him about his birthday, that he was a big boy, turning 2, but he doesn’t really know what it is. Of course the helium balloons will be the star of the show until they loose their float.
He had no idea what he would wake up to and we were so excited to surprise him and bless him with a good gift. As parents we love nothing more than loving on our boys, and sometimes this means giving them gifts.
I couldn’t help but reflect that this is how God is with me, his child. His beloved. He loves to lavish me with good gifts. From beautiful days with blue skies and warm breezes, to a loving husband, kind friends, and laughter.
Even more than I love my boys and want good things for them, God loves me and wants more than anything to bless me. That doesn’t always mean life will be easy, or that I will understand his plan.
But it does mean that I can trust him. Fully. Completely. Without hesitation. Knowing that no matter what, he will catch me when I fall. He is always right beside me. And he has big plans for me. Things I can’t even imagine or hope for.
Just like Emerson had no idea he would get an easel that he could draw on and play with to his heart’s content, I don’t always know what God’s plan is for me. But I can trust that it is good.