Keeping the spark alive in your marriage when you have a newborn

by Andrea Cooley

backyard firepit: keeping the spark alive in your marriage

Foster is 7 weeks old (and no, he’s not sleeping great at night, just look at the bags under my eyes!) and that means it’s been more than 7 weeks since Adam and I have left the house, just the two of us, and gone on a date. And honestly, I don’t know when we will! But that doesn’t mean our marriage has to suffer.

It’s all too easy for your marriage to take a backseat when a new baby comes. And it’s even easier to ignore it when you have more than one little person demanding your attention and sapping your energy at all hours of the day and night. I’ll be honest, I’ve had some ugly moments when I’ve lashed out at Adam and said things I wish I could take back. Yes, I blame the hormones and the utter exhaustion, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to be treated that way!

A few weeks ago, after a particularly long week, Adam pulled out the fire pit and said we were going to have a fire once the boys were in bed. At first I resisted. There was laundry to fold and dishes to wash, but he insisted.

I grabbed marshmallows, graham crackers, chocolate, and the baby monitor and we sat outside for an hour. We didn’t have a deep, soul-searching conversation, but for those 60 minutes it was just us.

It didn’t matter that technically we were still “on-call” as parents.

What mattered was that we made time for each other. And it didn’t involve sitting on the couch binging on episodes of The Blacklist (it’s our new favorite show!)

We’ve had plenty of at-home date nights (you can read about them here and here). But amidst the craziness of adjusting to being a family of 4, we desperately needed some adult time. I’m so thankful that Adam recognized this and Now more than ever, we need to invest in us. Even if dates that include a babysitter, someone else cooking dinner, and a movie on a big screen are limited for the next couple months, we owe it to ourselves and to our family to make our marriage a priority!

Your turn! How do you stay connected with your honey when life is crazy?

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Andrea Cooley

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