Joylynn is a brave woman, first she’s friends with me, but most of all she’s willing to use her blog, counseling degree, and years of personal experience to take on hard subjects like forgiveness, extravagant love, and trusting in the Lord to be the perfect provider. Gotta love that girl. Finishing off her month long focus on marriage she offered to step in and share some of her martial musings she’s discovered in home ownership.
In my naïveté, after 3+ years of marriage I thought I had pretty much figured out what kinds of situations generally caused Thor and I conflict and how we generally worked through them to find resolution.
Well I should have had the foresight to realize that a brand new experience like buying our first home and remodeling it would present us with brand new sources of irritation with each other. But I didn’t and so it took me a little by surprise by my reaction to a particular scenario that kept occurring over and over again.
It went something like this:
Thor: “Joy, I’m going to install tile on the master bathroom floor.”
Joylynn: “Great! That icky lime green sponge-ish floor made me walk on my tiptoes anytime I went in there. I felt like I should be wearing shower shoes all the time.”
(Thor goes off to hardware store and returns with all the necessary supplies for tiling. Time passes as the project gets underway…)
Joylynn (calling from another room): “How’s it going in there?”
Thor (muttering): “Nothing, I just messed up.”
Joylynn (running to the bathroom): “WHAT?! What do you mean? Can you fix it? Do you need me to do something? Here, let me (insert me trying to be Mrs. Problem Solver).”
Thor (feeling irritated by my perfectionistic tendencies): “Joy, just stop!”
Joylynn: “Thor! I’m just trying to help!”
Thor: “Joy, you can help me by leaving the bathroom.”
Joylynn (pouting and stewing as she leaves the vicinity): “Fine.”
(Some more time passes…)
Joylynn: “How’s it coming?”
Thor: “I fixed it.”
Joylynn (beaming): “Really?! You’re my hero, Thor.”
Thor: “I know.”
This kind of situation (where Thor was working on a project, muttered about making a mistake, I overreacted and then eventually Thor found a remedy) happened so often in the weeks and months after buying our home that I finally learned a couple of things that made both our lives more enjoyable:
- Don’t do any more home improvement projects.
- Don’t freak out, Joy. In fact, just bite your tongue because…
- Thor will always find a way to make it right. He always did.
It was quite the realization that I had never had before about Thor because he had never had the opportunity to do these kinds of home improvement projects during our previous years as apartment dwellers: Thor’s really handy. And more importantly: He’s good at problem-solving his way out of mistakes. Because unlike me, Thor’s unafraid to jump into a new challenge and make adjustments as needed.
Cases in point:
-Using various power tools for the first time, without injury, he installed (along with help from friends) 1300+ square feet of laminate wood flooring in 8 days (while still working his day job). It wasn’t perfect, but what a difference from the original white carpeting throughout the house!
-He built a picnic table for our backyard last summer Also, not perfect, but it sure weighs a ton and we use it regularly!
-He built a computer from the ground up and it works!
-For the first time, Thor’s going to be taking pictures for 2 weddings this summer, the first one is next weekend. Talk about intimidating, but Thor’s not afraid! I mean he is Thor after all.
These new situations that generally mean new kinds of conflict are really turning out to be beneficial. I’ve gained new appreciation for my husband’s hidden talents and wisdom and I’ve learned to chillax a little myself. True to form, I’m anticipating that the next “new” will come with disciplining Pascal as he grows, but until then I’m going to sit at my picnic table and enjoy looking at my shiny wood floors.